Not evil enough for a beard but too lazy to shave...

Because I have been moving I have lost my razor and have not been able to shave. After a few days my facial hair has gotten past the 'itchy' part and is now not even something I am aware of.
Estee says she does not care if I have facial hair or not. Others have told me it is not something I can pull off. Others say it is not "me". Most do not have an opinion as they have lives and do not consider my facial hair a point of interest.
It turns out that I am not evil/cool/hip/in to X-games enough to sport any sort of facial hair. At the same time I am too lazy to shave.
What I need is for Tom Hanks to bust into a room, save uncover a church conspiracy, grow a mullet, and hand me a Mach 3.