The tension of doing things to be seen

Near the beginning of the "sermon on the mount", Jesus teaches the following:

"Beware of practising your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven. ‘So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

The common understanding of this text is straightforward and literal - don't do acts of piety in order to be seen.

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.” - Albert Einstein 

The truth be told, there are some things that I do in my life in order to be seen - especially by my sons. I want him to see me be graceful toward others, so sometimes I act graceful even when I do not feel graceful - just so they will see graceful models. There are times when, as a pastor, you have to do things that you may not want to do in order to set a better model for others. I do not get the luxury of going to worship and just sit there and not talk with anyone - even if that is what I feel like doing. I have to be "pastoral" sometimes just to be seen and set a model.

Do you know how many times pastors go home or sit in their offices and scream or cry at the amount of venom they encounter? And at least half of our emotions are because we cannot do what we want to do or what others seem to have no problem doing. Pastors have to act in ways in order to be seen, not for bragging, but as a way to set an alternate model. And before we jump to the conclusion that pastors are hypocrites (which everyone really is), there are strong social pressures on pastors to be a certain way.

For instance, pastors cannot cuss, they have to wear suits (or at least tuck in their shirt), be older/experienced, etc. There is a pressure for a pastor to "look the part" and if they don't then there is an aura of suspicion. 

From internal pressures and external expectations, pastors are asked to do a lot things in order to be seen. And that makes this teaching of Jesus very difficult for church leaders. 

The Methodist Marianist

The phone rang and it was a staff member of the alumni magazine it get from Saint Mary's University. He said that they had gotten word from a current professor that I graduated from St. Mary's and this professor thought I might be open to share some of my story. 

Just a word of advice to all reporters, if you ask a preacher to share their story and worry they might not - don't worry. Preachers are always ready to talk. 

After about 90 minutes or so and a photo shoot later that month, the story was sent to press. 

Today, the publication arrived. 

I am very proud to be a graduate from St. Mary's University. It is there that I learned the power of diversity. I learned the strength of multiple viewpoints. I learned how to live on $100 a month. Living in San Antonio gave me glimpse into what it is like to be outside of the majority culture. While I did not retain much Latin, I did learn new language that has changed my life (which you can read about on page 28 in the publication below). I am forever indebted to St. Mary's University and the gifts it gave to me.

I encourage anyone who might be interested in taking risks, but never being in danger, to consider St. Mary's University. I am honored to be a Rattler and hope that I can live into being the "Methodist Marianist".

Read more about the Society of Mary (AKA the Marianists) here.

The back up to the back up

At the 2014 Central Texas Annual Conference, there were 22 people elected to serve as the "delegation" to difference conferences in the United Methodist Church. In the image below, the first eight people you see are those who are going to go to the General and Jurisdictional conferences. The next eight people you see are those who will join the previously mentioned eight people only for Jurisdictional conference. The last three people you see are those who were elected as alternates in the event they are need to fill a spot.  

It may be worth noting that the order of these elections matter and create a bit of a hierarchy. So if you are the first alternate, then you would of course be called to serve. If you are the second alternate, then two people would have to be unable to complete their duties in order for the second delegate to have full voting rights. And if there is ever a need for the third delegate to be called on to fill a role, then you would have to wonder, "oh man, this group is in trouble." There is a reason that so few football teams sign a backup to the backup-quarterback. When you have to use the third string quarterback that usually is not the best sign. 

If you can read quickly enough, you can see that I am the "third quarterback". 

This is a very humbling and exciting position and I could not be more aware of the task that lays before the Church. I am keenly grateful to the conference that they would entrust me to represent the conference on any level, even as the "third quarterback". (I would be lying if I said I was not excited by this opportunity and say that I don't pray about messing this up.)

The thing about being the last alternate is that my chances of being a full delegate are slim and this opens the door for me to be as much of a sponge as I can. I sort of feel like a kid who is putting on their parent's shoes and trying to walk in the house without falling over. You know the shoes are not yours and you cannot fill them, but you only hope that one day you will grow into them.

I am sure there will be future posts that speak about this role and some observations, so if this sort of stuff does not interest you, feel free to just overlook them and more on trying to be the change in the world.

In the meantime, here are a few observations from the back up to the back up:

• The back up to the back up is the best position to learn if you are new. It constantly feels like you are in dress rehearsal. And even as everyone knows this, the others still value your thoughts. In what ways am I listening to the voices of those in my life that are the backups to the backups? 
• As the back up to the back up it is a position of access. Can you imagine being in a two year process with people that you respect and can listen and learn from them? Can you imagine being given access to other resources and conversations that you would otherwise not be given? This is where I find myself as the back up to the back up. I begin to wonder how can I use this access gracefully and humbly? 

Finally, as I sat with the delegation in just a quick meeting, I could only think about how I desire to be like Father Agathon of who it was said lived for three years with a stone in his mouth, until he had learned to keep silence. I doubt that I can learn in two years what it took Father Agathon three, but I am going to try. 

Now if only I could find a stone.

This page is from a book on Christian monastics, Desert Wisdom, Sayings from the Desert Fathers