Confidentiality - the socially acceptable way to be a jerk

In the south, if you open a sentence by saying “Bless her/his heart” you are given a much broader spectrum of what people will let you say.

You can say, “Jason is jerk.” And you can get some dirty looks.

You can say, “Bless his heart, Jason is a jerk.” And you will a couple of eyes closed head tilted nods.

There is a Church version of “Bless his/her heart” and it is this – “Can I tell you something in confidence?”

Confidence is a unique sort of thing in the church. It is like a mix between “Bless his heart” and the Cone of Silence and “What happens in Vegas” and speaking anonymously on the internet.

And this formula gives people a great deal of freedom to be total and absolute jerks.

I understand we all have things that we “need” to say and it is good to have a person you trust to say these things to. It has been my experience that much of what is said to a confidant should really be said to the person for which there is a disagreement. And because of this, it is quickly clear that the confidant is there to affirm the speaker and take their side.

There are times when we need to talk with someone in confidence for all sorts of reasons, but just because you are “in confidence” does not give you a license to let all Love go out the door and speak like a wheels off crazy jerk.

I have met a great number of jerks in the church by way of the “cone of confidence”. We all can be jerks. I would love to be able to share just a fraction of the stuff I hear in confidence in order to defend my on pride and justify my actions/words. But I cannot. And I am okay with it because I know respect and know the value of confidence.

However, the environment of speaking in confidence is an environment in which our “jerk sides” can easily come out and dominate. This is in part why we practice the disciplines of the faith so that are better equipped to speak in the beautiful (and abused) environment of confidentiality.

Christians cannot choose what we care about

Christians cannot choose what we care about

There was a guy who said that you have to read your Bible and the newspaper side by side as a way of saying that acts of piety and acts of justice are interconnected.

I am ashamed to say that when I am in exclusively Christian circles, more than any other group, I hear the sentence, “Oh, I don’t watch the news. It is all horrible and awful.” Following that sentence, any number of people chime in and talk about just how much they dislike the news for whatever reason. I have yet to be in that conversation where someone stands up for watching the news as a critical element of being a Christian.

We no longer read the paper and Bible together.

I not only do not understand how we can decide that we do not want to watch the news because it is too depressing, but I also do not understand where we got the idea that we could choose not to care?

Christians cannot choose what we can and cannot care about. We are to die to ourselves and to conform our lives our wills our desires to that of Christ’s. We do not have the freedom to choose what we care about. We do not have the freedom to choose who to love. This is, in part, what it means to serve Christ.

Christians care about what Christ cares about. Christians care about who Christ cares about.

And who has Christ chosen to care about? The marginalized. The victims of violence. The beaten, the broken, the hurting, the sick, the dying the horrific events in the world.

And where do we learn about where the people Christ cares about?

The news.

Sure I would rather be entertained and binge watch my favorite show. I would rather check status updates, view follow twitter feeds, view filtered Instagram pictures and laugh at #FailVine.

But we do not get to choose when we want to care about who and what we want to care about.

Christ, our Lord and Teacher, already chose for me.

Questions I want to ask but don't

Are we reading the same Bible?  

Are we working toward the same goal or not?  

Do we trust this church leadership? 

How can we die to self and give all that we are to God if we are unwilling to change something as simple as music selection in worship? 

Do we really take "love your neighbor" seriously?  

Do we think that God's thoughts and our thoughts are the same every time?

Do we really think we understand Jesus?  

Are we aware that many clergy think of quitting being clergy often? 

What is the point of all this church thing anyway?  

Why do we give things to the church that we no longer want but think that someone else would want? 

Why don't we confess our sins? I mean really confess?

Do we really think that God is there to serve us?  

Why does our side have to always win?  

How can one person hijack the whole system? 

How is it that everyone seems to know how to do my job better than I do? 

Where is grace?  

Do we care more about fairness than about forgiveness?  

Why do I have to just "take it" while someone can say the most hurtful things to me? 

Why don't I just say this?