A lot of my time is spent listening to people beat themselves up for a wide range of reasons. However, a large bulk of reasons that I hear people being so hard on themselves is what I am going to call the "Pole Vaulter Fallacy."
Generally speaking, listening to people I hear them talk about the shame or disappointment or anger they feel when they were not able to live up to some standard. Some of those standards are internal standards that a person has for what they expect of themselves. Some of those standards are perceptions of what others have of them. Either way, when these standards are not met, there is a lot of hurt that is shared.
Here is why I call it the "Pole Vaulter Fallacy": The internal or external standards that are perceived to be so high that we need a pole vault in order to clear them. What makes it a fallacy, is that too often the reality is that the standards are only as high as a high jumper. Meaning, that many people are more than clearing the bar, but the pole they are using is knocking the bar down and so it looks like failure.
Friends, consider the ways that the "bar" that is before us is not as high as you think it is. You don't need to grab a pole in order to clear the mark. Your jump is more than enough. You are more than enough. Trust in that.
Put the pole down, you are only hurting yourself.