Not Wanting to Know that We Know

The brothers came to Antony and said to him, “Tell us: How are we to be saved?” The old man said to them, “You have heard the Scriptures. That should teach you how.” But they said, “We want to hear from you, too, Father.” Then the old man said to them, “The Gospel says: If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also” (Matthew 5:39). They said, “We cannot do that.” The old man said, “If you cannot offer the other cheek, at least allow one cheek to be struck.” “We cannot do that, either,” they said. So he said, “If you are not able to do that, do not return evil for evil,” and they said, “We cannot do that, either.” Then the old man said to his disciple, “Prepare a little brew of corn for these invalids. If you cannot do this, or that, what can I do for you? What you need is prayers.”

This translation of this desert story is found in The Wisdom of the Desert Fathers and Mothers, There is a lot going on in this story, however what stands out to me is the line “we want to hear from you, too, Father.” These seekers ask a question but Antony says these seekers know the answer. The seekers seem to pretend they do not like or understand the answer they know from the scriptures, so they ask Antony for an answer.

Antony tells them that they know the answer - it is in the scriptures. He goes on to share with them the things they already know (turn the cheek, forgive, do not repay evil for evil). But they feign an inability to do such things.

The seekers know the answer, but they do not want to know that they know. As long as they can pretend to not know the answer, the longer they can hold out hope that there is some other, more palatable, answer out there.

So Antony says what the seekers really need is prayer. Not prayer for salvation, but prayer that they may come to accept what they already but refuse to know.

This is a function of prayer. Prayer helps us come to terms with what we know but we don’t want to know that we know. It is the tool God gives for us to face the truths we know but pretend to not know, in the hope that there is some other, more palatable, answer out there.

We often know what we seek. We often do not want to know that we know it.

Prayer changes us because it revels to us what we know. We no longer pray for that which we know that we know.

No wonder so many of us resist prayer. We are not unlike the seekers. We do not want to know that we know.

Love You More Than The Things You Lack

When I listen to people who are seeing marriage I hear them discuss all the ways that they love one another. Most of the time the list of things are all the things the other person does or is. Expressions of kindness, generosity, humor, and care are tops on a lot of couples’ lists. It is easy to list off all that we love about our partner, and so it catches people a bit off guard when you ask, “tell me what your partner lacks.”

There is a little fear that comes into the room. Perhaps the assumption is that what one lacks the other fills (I lack attention to detail but my partner is great at details). Maybe the assumption is that if we express the lack then we are prone to see the negatives in our soon to be spouse. It could also be that the couple is acutely aware of the lack in the other and this is the root of all their habitual fighting.

When we are dating people we often find what the other person lacks to be a “deal breaker”. “This person is not educated/funny/tall/handsome/young/old/etc. enough. Loving another person in a covenantal relationship means that we love the other person more than the things they lack.

Loving one more than the things they lack is not uncommon in a marriage, however we tend to overlook this in our love for God.

Many times we are disappointed in the ways that God lacks. God does not talk loud enough. God is not visible enough. God is not real enough. And so, because of the lack we see in God, we do not fall in love with God. We love what God lacks more than God who lacks.

You may be thinking, ‘I thought that God does not lack.” In this case we might be holding onto the idea that God lacks the lack. Because if God lacks, then God is imperfect. And, if God is imperfect the God is not God. See where this takes us? We are saying that if God does not “lack the lack”, then God is not God.

Putting it in a question, do we love the idea of a lack-less God more than an incarnate God in Christ who lacks?

There are many examples in the Bible where God lacks. For instance, God is unable to find Adam and Even in the garden when they hid. God regrets making humankind pre-Noah. God’s mind is changed several times throughout the Biblical stories. God in Jesus lacked in the garden prior to his arrest. God dies (the ultimate lack) on the cross.

Perhaps of all the things that makes God different from humanity is that God does not fear the lack. God is at peace with lack. If God is good with having lack, the question is are we okay with God having lack?

Do we love God more than the things that God lacks?

The Real Problem of Thanksgiving Conversation

There will be countless articles and hot takes given on how to “survive” Thanksgiving table conversation. We know the unwritten but often expressed rules of Thanksgiving conversation:

1. No Politics

2. No Religion

3. No past hurts

4. Keep it light and happy

5. If you cannot do these things, eat another slice of pie

These rules are fine and I am sure they serve a purpose in many households. The real problem of Thanksgiving conversation is that there are many rules for talking but none for listening.

There are no rules, spoken or unspoken, about how we are to listen at Thanksgiving. No one to tell us that one of the greatest acts of love we can do for another is to listen to them. If we give thanks for anyone in our lives, then the act of listening matters.

One rule for better listening at Thanksgiving is what we might call the two hand rule. The two hand rule is simply this: When you hand someone something at Thanksgiving, use two hands.

When we hand someone using only one hand we do not have to look at that person. We can still engage in our own world and not even pay attention to the person we are handing things to. We can pass the potatoes while looking at the turkey coming down the row. The ways we hand things to people often mirrors how we listen to them.

The two hand rule results in physically turning your body to face and see the other person you are handing things to. You have to look at them. You have to see them. You have to face them. It is much harder to say things that are hurtful to someone you are looking directly in the face. If there has to be rules Thanksgiving conversation, maybe we could offer up this list:

1. Face one another

2. Share a meal

3. Use two hands

4. Keep it meaning and memorable

5. If you cannot do these things, eat another slice of pie