Forget my name. That is okay. But don't forget that I am...

Within the bible is a story about Moses encountering God. It is a more iconic story you may have heard of it. In this story Moses asks God what God's name is. Specifically Moses wants to tell others that he was sent by a powerful God named _____! God responds with the phrase loosely translated as "I am what I am." 

The idea that God claims the name of "I am" is important in a number of ways in the bible, but perhaps one of the unappreciated ways is that "I am" is how humans introduce themselves to one another. "Hello, I am Jason. It is nice to meet you." 

In our culture we place a lot of emphasis on learning people's names. It is important. However, when we place the emphasis on the individual name of the person, we miss that when we introduce ourselves we are invoking the "I am" phrase. To put it another way, when we introduce ourselves we are reminding others that while I have a unique name, I also carry the name of God (I am) with me. And so do you. 

I am Jason. I have within me a mark, reside, spark of the divine. And so do you. While we may have different names, we all share the same "I am".

You can forget my name. That is okay. But don't forget that "I am" is in all of us and that we ought to treat each other as such. 

Why I do not write a thank you cards at Christmas

It was something that my mother made me do every time I received a gift, and I came to loath it: The thank you note.

Over time I came to have a greater appreciation for the handwritten thank you note and I took up this practice much more regularly (although I would like to do more of this).

However, over the past several years I have stopped writing thank you notes at Christmas. I know, this may be the worst idea ever but this is why. 

Christmas is a season that declares that there was a gift given by God that you and I did not deserve or earn. And that there is nothing that you and I can do to destroy that gift. This gift of Grace and Love in Christ is something that we call Good News. Christmas is a season that invites us all to be humble enough to receive. 

Receiving something as simple as a compliment , is difficult for me because I do one of two things - downplay or deflect. I will downplay the compliment as something that was not a big deal or something someone else could have done much better. Or I will deflect the compliment by turning your comment about me into a compliment about you. I am a black belt compliment deflector. 

The downplay and deflect is also a move that gives me the power in the situation. I disarm your words and I end up with the upper hand where I can then turn this away from me and back to you. When I do these moves I retain a position of strength and do not become vulnerable. 

Christmas is the one season that I try very hard NOT to write thank you notes for these reasons. I need to practice humility and vulnerability. I need to learn to just accept and receive. I do not need to be the powerful one or the one who always has the last word.

It is uncomfortable to not express thank you beyond a simple two words and a hug. I have been conditioned to believe that that is not a complete thank you but only a prelude. The "real" thank you is not complete until that hand written note comes. Thus giving me the final word, giving me the ability to downplay and deflect, and ensuring that I am never vulnerable.

Being vulnerable is not my favorite thing. It is not something that comes easily to me, nor is it something that I have mastered. What I know is that we all need to be more vulnerable and more humble and more willing to receive. 

That is why I do not write thank you cards at Christmas. 

Vomit on you and me

I get angry. I know it is not something that is becoming of a minister, but I do. I get angry at things like Sin and injustice. I also get angry at people doing a half ass job or when I do not  meet my own deadlines. 

There are a number of people who have given me advice on what to do when I get angry at another. Some tell me to lean into that anger. Others tell me to forgive. Others tell me to ignore it. Others say anger at another is really just anger in myself displaced. 

What I am learning is that when I am angry I am quick to pop off and spew my anger on another. It is not healthy and I have gotten much better, however I can use my words to really cover someone with my anger. 

The truth is that when I have done this in the past, I feel better for a little bit then I look down and see that in spewing my anger at another I covered myself in my own hate vomit. I have covered another and myself with sickness and toxicity.

And you know, it takes a while to get all that cleaned up.