Identity Theft? How About Identity Loss

Identity theft is real and causes a tom of damage to people's lives that can take years to straighten out. As such, and rightly so, identity theft gets a lot of press coverage. And as common as identity theft may be identity loss may be just as common. 

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Identity loss is that thing that happens when we identify as someone but then, due to many and varied reasons, we no longer do/can. This happens to us throughout our lives, like when we move from one job to another and you now identify as "the boss". It also happens at all ages, like when a child moves through grade school and no longer identifies as the "big kids". It can happen very suddenly, like when a child is born and you no longer identify as single. It can also happen gradually, like when you realize that you no longer are the one everyone seeks advise from.

When one is a victim of identity theft, there are a number of people who can help you recover lost money or property. A credit card company can cancel the transaction, the bank can track the check, the website will issue new passwords, government can track down thieves, insurance can cover the loss, etc. 

When we experience identity loss, often times we are on our own. We just have to feel our way into a new identity, like when a child dies and we no longer identify as the "parent of ...". We have to just "suck it up" that things are different now when we are fired and we are not "employee". We have to quickly "get over it" when our team moves and we no longer identify as a "Brooklyn Dodger fan". There can be social stigma around the middle aged man who dates younger women or the middle aged woman who dresses like a twenty year old might neither who are able to let go of an identity. We do not know what to do when we are no longer identified as a "leader". We do not know what to do when after an accident and we are no longer able to identify as a "soccer player".  

I believe this is in part why the Church is needed in the world. Church has rituals that help when we suffer from some forms of identity loss. This is why weddings, funerals, baptisms, singing, corporate worship and other rituals and practices of the Church matter. We use ritual to grieve the identity loss so that we can explore and embrace a new identity. 

Additionally, the Church is the place that says that you have an identity that cannot be stolen and you cannot lose - you are forever identified as a beautiful, beloved child of God.

Forever.

StrenghtsFinders and Paul

StrenghtsFinder is a popular and prolific little book. The gist is that you buy the book, take an online survey and then your results are given. The results come back in the form of your top five "strengths" that you act from when you are at your best. As we are constantly reminded how we don't 'measure up' to some standard, StrengthsFinder is a way to talk (as the authors say) "about what's right with people". 

What is interesting to me is the language of StrengthsFinder and the language of Paul in the Bible who talks about being made strong in and through our weaknesses. That is when we embrace the parts of us that are "weak" we can do more than though our "strengths". In part, because when we embrace our weaknesses we have to enlist the help of others and even God. And with this additional help we can do/be more than if we just used our strengths on our own. 

Too often however, we see weakness as something that we have to "work on" so that it is no longer a weakness. Like going to the gym. We work on our abs because they are weak in order to make them strong. When we view ourselves like some bodybuilders, then yes we can overlook our strengths because of the hyper-focus on weakness. However the call of the Christian life is not to make your weaknesses strong it is an invitation to embrace our weaknesses in order to break down the ego and pride that our strengths can over inflate. 

To spark a conversation about your weaknesses, here is a little parody site called, WeaknessFinder. My "weaknesses" came up as: confrontation, disjointed, antagonizer, antipathy and denial. 

Perhaps it is important to remember that in order to embrace one's weakness one must first have a healthy ego and sense of one's strengths. Just as unchecked strengths can over inflate the ego and pride, unchecked weaknesses can create unworthiness and shame. 

Know your strengths and embrace your weakness. 

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*This is not a knock in StrengthsFinder. In fact I have taken the assessment and even encourage it as part of our leadership foundations course at the church I serve for the laity. It opens good conversation of our strengths and weaknesses. My five "strengths" are, strategic, ideation, activator, connectedness, and input.

Smurf Underwear and Teddy Ruxpin

This is an ad for Hanes "Showtoons" Smurf underwear. 

It is not much to look at today, but when I was a kid (maybe four or five years old) I got both of these gifts one one Christmas morning. I was so shocked that I got these underwear that I hid them from everyone and would peek at them just to make sure it was true. Then I held them up in great excitement and shouted in response to my family asking what I had, "SMURF UNDERWEAR!!!!" 

It was glorious. But it was only a few moments later that I would break down when I opened this:

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This is a picture of a Teddy Ruxpin. Teddy Ruxpin was a bear that was mostly soft but had a hidden cassette tape player in his back with a speaker. Tapes were loaded into his back and then when they played Teddy Ruxpin's eyes and mouth would move while he "read" a book to you. Think the cuteness of Hello Kitty with the wonder of Terminator with dash of creepiness of Chucky and you get Teddy Ruxpin. 

I cried.

Not out of fear but out of pure emotions that I did not have words for at the time and still struggle with today. When I see the video recording of that moment (which I have watched countless times and tried to remember what I was feeling) it is somewhat clear that I had a strong sense of unworthiness to be receiving these two amazing gifts. I have a difficult time watching at a certain point in the video, because many of those original emotions come flooding back into my stomach and I begin to feel uncomfortable with this sort of raw emotion.

To this day there have been few Smurf Underwear/Teddy Ruxpin moments but they are powerful and life shaping. They are the events that I filter all other events in and through. They are the ones that I don't realize they affect me as powerfully as they do until I meditate on it. They are the underscores that play in my head as I live my life. You don't hear them but I do and they are powerful when I listen to them.

I don't know what your Smurf underwear or Teddy Ruxpin moments might be. I don't know if you take the time to explore those moments. I don't know if you are like me and know they exist but they are so raw and powerful that they are difficult to look at for too long or I am overcome. I have come to discover that these moments matter and on the whole we do not know how to listen to one another talk about these important things. 

So not only do I invite you to reflect on your life shaping moments but, and perhaps more importantly, ask a loved one about their life shaping moments.