"I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" - Fannie Lou Hamer

Recently Loyd Allen shared with a group of people I was with three simple lines that helped visualize the trap I feel caught in. I remade it google docs and embedded it below:

Generally speaking, I feel that the level of expectations that are placed upon me are at the red level. I feel like I am supposed to know all things theologically, have profound knowledge of the Bible, have visited every one in the church in their home and can share with anyone who asks about the status of everyone else, run the business side of the church, ensure we make our apportionment contributions, manage staff who each have their own expectations, give the best damn sermons that are engaging and thought provoking, model healthy family life and spiritual formation, give clear vision to every aspect of the church, attend city council/chamber/social club of your choice meetings, keep a rule of life, and be clean shaven at all times. My level of expectations is at the red level. 

In order to get to the red level I work at the grey level. Which is never enough for myself or others because the expectations are at the red level. So I am always letting a good number of people down at least some of the time. 

But what I can really do and maintain my own healthy boundaries is at the black level. If I really worked at the black level I would probably feel like I am lazy and others in the church would become even angrier at how far I am from the red level of expectations. 

We all expect too much from one another. We all expect red from people. We all need black. And grey makes me feel "sick and tired of being sick and tired". 

Can we just admit that most of the time we are all working in the grey, expect the red and dismiss the black level? Can we also admit this is unhealthy? Can we be the change to live more black and less red/grey?

Footprints in the sand, sort of...

There is beloved poem call Footprints. I have never been a fan of that poem. Maybe because I see it everywhere or because it harkens me to a sentimentality that might be helpful for others but is lacking for me. The more that I think about it thought I think my inability to connect with this poem is because of the location of the one walking on the beach in relation to Jesus. Not the part where the walker is being carried by Jesus, but the part where the walker is walking next to Jesus.

I feel called to follow Jesus. He is my leader and model. He is the forerunner of the faith. He is the one who steps first and I am behind him. He leads and I follow.

The poem gives me the impression that the walker is choosing to or has the courage to walk beside Jesus. I have a hard time following someone when I am walking alongside them. Sometimes I turn one way and they turn the other. I never really die to my agenda when I walk along side Jesus, which is why I believe he calls us to follow.

Today, I attempted to do what many have done but I never had. I attempted to literally walk in the footsteps of another person.

There were a set of footprints left in the sand and I began to follow them. Their gait became my gait. Their pacing became my pacing. Their turns and direction became my turn and direction. I had no idea where the steps would take me. All I did was follow.

In the beginning it was somewhat easy to walk step for step. There were no other prints along that stretch of beach and the shoe pattern was distinct and clear. Even though they were easy to see it was a little tricky to walk exactly in their steps. I got off balance sometimes and there were a couple of times I thought they were beginning to turn ever so much in one direction but they did not and I was off on the next footprint by a few inches. With my eyes fixed to the path and very alert to any changes in every step I found my leader began to step into beach that was more traveled.

This was a little more difficult to follow, but not too bad. At this point I had the pacing and spacing of my leaders footprints down. But instead of looking just for the very next step, I had to look up a bit in order to see where the leader was walking. If I focused on just the next step I could not recognize their footprint quickly enough and then I would break stride and become off balance. Additionally, due to the traffic of different prints, there were times I could not see the very next step but only the next step or two after that. In order to make it to the step I could see, I had to walk in faith and trust that I was stepping on the footprints of my leader. I had to walk by faith and not by sight.

The most difficult part of my mimic walking was when the prints turned and now the sun was to my back. This caused my own shadow to be cast right in front of me and washing out the footprints. I could no longer see the little shadows cast in the ridges of the footprint of my leader. The only way I could walk in the footprints of my leader was very slowly and only after I had moved to one side in order to allow the sunshine to reveal the footprints. My own dark side became an obstacle to following in the footprints of my leader.

In the call of Christ we are called to follow. A disciples does not walk in their own path and in their own way, but conforms their walk to that of the master, Jesus. It is cool to forge your own way, and in many ways it is easier than to try to exactly mimic another, but it seems clear the call of Jesus is to follow. Not to lead.

Is online dating affecting the church?

In the view of one of the contributors to the story, online dating is a bit of a game changer in the way we approach relationships. The contributor expresses that it used to be relationships focused on compatibility then attributes. However, online dating has put the focus in relationships on attributes then compatibility. 

How does this affect religion? I don’t know but here is a thought: A person now will church shop for just the right set of attributes they are looking for (children’s ministry, good preaching, small groups, youth program, etc.) then if these attributes are attractive then the person will look to invest in a relationship with the church. This is not an evil but it does put the desires of the individual seeker as primary to the needs of a community.

This approach also gives us all an easy out for committing to a relationship with a church community. If the attributes are not all lined up then the person can disengage with the church with little question. If the person does not like the attribute of the preacher then the person can leave. If the person has a problem with the attribute of their small group then there is no reason for the person to stay engaged in the group to try reconcile. The person can just leave the group and disengage.

This approach also gives the church a marketing strategy. We advertise our attributes. Worship times. Pictures of young people in the pews. Egg hunts. Sermon series. We can create a profile of our churches which others can look at our attributes.

But, like all profiles, there are just some things that you cannot see on a profile. And it seems to me that the things that cannot be seen on a profile are the things that really matter. A church profile can tell me attributes of different programs but it cannot tell me if the people of the church are on the way of Christ. It cannot tell me if there is a deep sense of wonder and trust in the community. It cannot tell me if church talks about God or talks to or talks with God.

It seems to me that it is the things that I cannot see on a profile are the things that really matter to me. This is why Jesus’ call to the disciples are different. Jesus just says, follow me. The disciples don’t ask about the different attributes of Jesus then, after liking what they see, then decide to follow Jesus. Rather they are able to see themselves with Jesus and then over the years learn about the attributes of Jesus.

The call of Jesus is not come and see me, but come and follow. And so should the Church’s.